Keep Free Enterprise Free (by Albus)

The Canadian government is now requiring seal hunters to make
sure their seals are dead before skinning them. Seal hunters have
always just clubbed their prey unconscious, then taken their pelts
before the seals wake up, apparently in the belief that the seals
would re-grow their fur and be available for harvesting again next
year. Now they have to cut the veins under the animals’ flippers
to make them bleed to death before they can start skinning.

This strikes me as being unwarranted government interference in
free enterprise. The notion of incremental harvesting really needs
to be expanded, not constrained, especially in these parlous
economic times. Mink farmers could skin their mink alive, and
come back for more pelts when the fur regrows. Fishermen could
slice off some filets from their catch, and throw the rest back to
regenerate. Puppy mills have shown that animals don’t really need
much room or food or care to breed, so you’d think pig farmers
could slice off a sow’s hams and shoulders, and maybe a loin or
two, and still use her for breeding.

This Canadian model of interference in harvesting could put a real
crimp in the animal products business. What if we were required
to kill chickens before taking their eggs? Or kill cows before
taking their milk? I would predict some serious price increases
when that happens.

The last thing we need in this economy is for ethics and morality
to take command over common sense profitability . A resurgence
of morality would not only damage the economy, but it would
doom all politics, as well! We had better knick this one in the butt
before it gets out of control!

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4 Responses to Keep Free Enterprise Free (by Albus)

  1. John Jameson says:

    Albus, that is the most entertaining blurb I have read in some time. This morning I killed my loaf of bread before making toast and I was shocked in the afternoon when the loaf had not regenerated! I have slowly harvested bread from said loaf for the past decade without incident and now I am going to have to shell out more bread(bad pun intended) and buy a new breeder loaf.

    I would like to believe that we are safe from Canadian oppression down here. We are still allowed to choose between Mrs. Butterworth’s or maple syrup on our pancakes), when the Canadians take away that right, then we need to worry.

  2. Albus says:

    Depends what material you’re working with, Iguess. I have better success. I keep cutting the malapropisms, dangling participles, and inept purple prose from my (donated) copies of the Antigo Daily Journal and crumple them for fire-starters, and they regenerate with each new issue. I hope restrictions on bad writing become part of the Economic Recovery Bill.

  3. Pingback: what is club foot

  4. Albus says:

    “club foot”, you wouldn’t be spam-farming, would you?

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