Take a gander at this instant classic from the Antigo Daily Journal. I’ve numbered the paragraphs for easy reference in the discussion following the quoted section. The whole sad story is HERE.
(quote)
(1) ‘Best of show’ to Bonduel Ford owner
Aug. 17, 2009
(2) The Badgerland Classics and Customs Club of Antigo pulled off another very successful show at the Langlade County Fairgrounds Sunday, despite morning rains and continued threats throughout the day.
(3) Jeff Ralph, one of the longtime organizers of the show for the club, explained that many owners of special automobiles are not that pleased about having them sitting in the elements, and they are not happy being out in the rain and wind, either.
(4) Despite that glitch, Ralph explained that there were more than 250 vehicles on the grounds, spanning everything from classic Model A Fords to the latest in custom vehicles.
(5) Greg Strayer of Bonduel came to the northwoods with a contingent, and he left with the big trophy as producing the “best of show.”
(6) Strayer had a bright orange 1939 Ford coupe and is seeing its best days right now.
(7) The car is a stunning custom showpiece and he was certainly the proud owner.
(end of quote)
Now the analysis:
#1 – Not bad: The headline is short, descriptive, and non-judgmental, just as you would expect of newspaper reporting. Credit where credit’s due….
#2 – Mis-use of language: “pulled off” is typically used as “pulled off a scam”, or “pulled off a robbery”, or something equally shady. It’s inappropriate to use for describing an event (“very successful show”) with 250 entries and hundreds of spectators. “… despite morning rains and continued threats during the day…” is just plain bad writing. What were these “continued threats”, and why weren’t local law enforcement officials called in to deal with them?
#3 – Failure to grasp concept: “… are not that pleased about having them sitting in the elements, and they are not happy being out in the rain and wind, either.” In the context of weather, “elements” already refers to “rain and wind”, so posing the phrases as exclusionary and oppositional concepts (note the “either”) is nonsensical. “Not that pleased” and “not happy” are profoundly inept and weak non-descriptions of emotions. Denying only one emotion leaves the reader to conjecture endlessly about which of the hundreds of remaining emotional descriptions actually apply to this circumstance. Why not clarify the situation, and say the participants were “unhappy” or “concerned” or “despondent” or “frustrated”, if that was the case? Extra bonus: the “and” splice holding two sentences together, instead of the more commonly accepted period-followed-by-space construction.
#4 – Ambiguous referent: “Despite that glitch…” could refer to the rain, the emotions, or Jeff Ralph’s “explanation”, and still not make sense. Perhaps “that glitch” refers to the act of writing paragraph #3?
#5 – Mis-use of lofty language: Just what the hell was Greg Strayer’s “contingent”? What is that supposed to mean? Bonus: another “and” splice. Extra bonus: totally ungrammatical “trophy as producing…”.
#6 – Assault and battery on linguistic propriety: the sentence stands as its own witness to the crime. Extra bonus: yet another “and” splice, this time extended to include an ambiguous mis-implied subject. Who’s “seeing its best days”, the car or poor old Greg?
#7 – Felony identity theft: Say WHAT?!
The prosecution rests its case.
—-
Point well taken once again, Albus.
I agree with poor grammar but holy cow Albus, do you have anything more constructive to do than proof read the local newspaper?
Well, SOMEBODY should be proofreading the ADJ, and apparently there’s no one else available at the present, judging by the daily output from Superior Street. Maybe I could rent that vacant office attached to the ADJ, and open a proofreading and copyediting service, maybe do a little homeopathy, reflexology, palm-reading, and chiropractic on the side to appeal to the Antigo upper-educational market.
I’ll read the Tarot Cards and provide the Ouija board.
Agree!!
We could do some ear-candle therapy, sell a little i-water, install a couple of tanning booths, maybe a do-it-yourself spinal EMG scanner, stuff like that to give would-be “writers” something useless to do in order to keep them occupied and distracted such intellectual pursuits while we edit their copy.