The main headline on the front page of the Antigo Daily Journal
for Saturday, October 3, was, “Employers skiddish, not willing to
hire”.
“Skiddish”? Let’s look that one up…. Nope, not in the dictionary.
Could it be derived from some other word, like “skidder”?
Maybe…. “A person who slips or slides because of loss of traction,
a worker who uses a skid to move logs, a tractor used to haul logs
over rough terrain”. Perhaps the employers in the headline were
hauling logs over a slippery economic slope?
Wait a minute… I’ve got it! The word should have been “skittish”,
meaning “Unpredictably excitable (especially of horses)”!
Could it be that the ADJ uses words without knowing their
meanings? Or do they just make up words to fit some meaning
they once heard about? Or just take a wild whack at this writing
(or righting, or wordizing, or ineptitizing, or whatever they’ll make
up for it) business because they’re skiddishly skittish about hiring
anyone who can actually do journalism?
In the “Bits and Pieces” for the same issue of the ADJ, Editor Fred
Berner says, “A teacher at the high school expressed an interest
in using newspapers in her classroom, so I was anxious to play
along.” Let’s take a look at the definition for “anxious”…. Here we
go: “Mentally upset over possible misfortune or danger etc; worried.”
Given the quality of writing in ADJ’s local news coverage, I fully
understand Fred’s anxiety. The teacher could well have been
intending to use ADJ articles for examples of bad writing. That’s
how I’d do it.
Maybe Fred actually meant “eager” instead of “anxious”, but you
never know. With the ADJ, you have to provide your own
interpretations for what the writer was really trying to say, and go
with your best gut-feeling for what’s right.
—-
You are so funny! Why don’t you do stand-up? I know you’d be a huge success.
That’s not a bad idea. I could just do quotes from ADJ…. Plenty of material there, a constant flow, even enough for a weekly show. Hmmm…. Let’s see…. How would Letterman do it?….
Top Ten Reasons for Subscribing to the Antigo Daily Journal –
10. It shreds well for mulching your compost pile.
9. Most canaries are illiterate, and don’t mind having ADJ for their cage liners.
8. The wire service (AP) articles are almost useful, except when ADJ staff steps in to write the headlines for the stories.
7. ADJ is the only way to keep track of the players in Antigo’s chiropractic health entertainment community’s musical chairs game.
6. Reading ADJ can drive you to drinking, which is good for the local tavern industry.
5. Diagramming the sentence structure of ADJ stories is much more challenging than those simple Sudoku puzzles the other papers run.
4. With ADJ doing the investigative reporting, local politicians are safe to do whatever tickles their fancy.
3. Nobody else in the business has anything like ADJ’s urgent hotline to potato prices.
2. You never have to worry about ADJ embarrassing you with an editorial that moves you to take action or gives you pause to think.
1. With ADJs stacked in your outhouse, you can rest assured that you have provided for your guests’ every need.
The top ten list is great. I am now a fan of your writting and that is by far my personal favorite!
I’d buy a ticket to hear you rant in person. You never fail to make me laugh!
Well, the ADJ never fails to make ME laugh!
Recent headline: “Schools promotes healthy eating”
I hope their eating is healthier than ADJ’s fractured grammar. “Schools promotes”?…
Note Fred Berner’s comment for a smooth segway in the midst of his Oct. 10th “Bits and Pieces” periodical foray into inconsequential trivia: “As long as we are talking about more serious topics, how about the war in Afghanistan?”
Yo, Fred! Yah, and how about them Packers, hey?
From a story explaining why an Illinois man was “cited for lewd and lascivious behavior”: “The man alleged removed articles of clothing that created quite a stir.” I suppose if someone’s clothing is creating quite a stir, one SHOULD remove them before anyone gets hurt by them, wouldn’t you think?
Here’s yet another mystery “and-spliced” sentence from local police blotter “news” on Sept. 14: “He explained he didn’t realize he needed to and authorities advised him he would be receiving citations.” Just handing our a little advice, here….
September 26: “Although the price of cigarettes have gone up, there were several offenses involving tobacco.” Okay, the price HAS (not HAVE) gone up, first of all. And secondly, just what does the price of cigarettes have to do with tobacco offenses? Who does the cause-and-effect thinking over at the ADJ, Sarah Palin?
September 17: “Unknown where they came from, the animals were retrieved for safe-keeping until they can be returned home.” What?! The animals didn’t know where they came from? An unhinged participial phrase attached to the ambiguous subject of a passive-voiced non-explanation? Unknown who is in charge over there on Superior Street, acceptable English sentence structure is avoided at all cost and the price of cigarettes rises again.
Consider this jolly lead-in for “Elcho spikers lose but show some promise”: “There were some ups – and some downs for the Elcho volleyball team Thursday. As to the latter, the Hornets lost its on-the-road match to Crandon 3-0. As the the former, the effort did show hints of promise.”
Here’s a hint of promise: This is unquestionably the worst lead-in since “It was a dark and stormy night.” What’s with “as to”, and then “latter” before “former”? What kind of pretentious pills has the ADJ staff been scarfing?
As to the clueless grandiosity of ADJ’s purple prose manglers, revocation of all journalism and/or English major degrees would seem to be in order.
Albus – Eureka! Wouldn’t it be a great idea if the local schools used this obscene platform of journalism in an English class? Teach the kids by humor – point out the errors. Start the children out early so by the time they are in the 4th grade they will be able to out whit (I mean out-write) Freddy’s clan. Oh goodness… my clothing is causing quite a stir again – darn bloomers are trotting around the house again.
Unknown where they came from, she saw the bloomers walking through the living room after calling a neighbor after leaving the kitchen and reports indicated that authorities were advised….
Well… after talking to my neighbor and conferring with the police my bloomers have been located. They were located in the town of Elcho. Apparently their skiddish behavior was due to an article that was printed in the ADJ. Those darn bloomers…. always looking for their part of the drama, I have given them the fitting nickname of The Broadway Bloomers.
“Domestic feuds, one between two men at a Kaplanek Avenue home and the other between a man and a women at an Elcho resident, were also investigated. No charges were filed.” No wonder why the bloomers were in an uproar, obviously they heard of the polygamist compound being reported by the ADJ. NO charges filed? What about the anti-polygamy/bigamy laws? Or could it be that it’s the proper way of speaking about Siamese twins that are girls?