Until today, you probably thought the “local mom” discoveries in all those internet side-bar ads were only for wrinkles, tooth whiteners, and weight loss secrets. But now I’m thrilled to announce that a local mom’s scientific research has opened the door to incredible advances in the health care entertainment industry. Yes, it’s true! Once again, a local mom has outwitted all the experts, and come up with a cure that no one else could find.
Here it is, in her own words, exactly as the local mom told me — “I have discovered how to prevent subluxations!”
I was stunned by those words as I’m sure you are. “Amazing!”, I exclaimed. “The vertebral subluxation is the core of the entire chiropractic industry. If you can prevent subluxations, you may have destroyed chiropractic, and wiped out a huge segment of the health entertainment field!”
“I know,” she said. “It’s going to put a lot of chiropractors out of business, all of them in fact. But they knew it was going to happen, some day. There are millions of local moms out there, conducting research in their kitchens and on their families. One of them was bound to discover this eventually. I’m just lucky to be the first one to announce it.”
“Well,” I probed, “what’s the secret? Chiropractors say subluxations are misalignments of the vertebrae in the spinal column. Those misalignments could cause all kinds of diseases and problems, like back pain, headaches, asthma, colic, ear aches, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, even infertility. How could a local mom fix all that? What did you discover? How did you do it”
“They keep talking about how subluxations need to be adjusted to keep then in alignment,” she said. “So I thought about it, and realized that those little disc thingies between the vertebrae were probably the cause. They weren’t doing their job of keeping in shape and holding things in place, apparently.”
“Of course,” I said. “Chiropractors bend your back to pop things back into place, they say. But now you’ve come up with something to keep them aligned in the first place! What is it?”
“Cheerios,” she said.
“Cheerios? That’s it? Just eat Cheerios all the time, and presto-change-o, no subluxations? How does that work?”
“You don’t have to eat them all the time. Just one Cheerio a week seems to do the trick. Maybe only one a month, or maybe every six months. We’re still conducting research on this.”
“Amazing,” I mused. “How can that work?”
“Cheerios are donut-shaped, like the disc thingies in your spine. The body knows how to heal itself, but it just forgets once in a while. The Cheerio shape reminds the body what the disc thingie is supposed to look like, and the force that made the body makes the disc thingie take the right shape. Then the rest of the spine gets the message. So, no subluxations, because all the parts are doing their job.”
“How can you be sure it’s working? What guarantee do you have that there are no subluxations? Do you check with your chiropractor?”
“Oh no, I wouldn’t do that. Chiropractors can find subluxations that no one else can detect. In fact, ONLY chiropractors can find a subluxation, because they invented it in the first place. I’ll bet they can even find them in a fishing rod. Just go to a family doctor, or x-ray clinic, or get an MRI, or have a radiologist or neurologist check out your spine. They’ll tell you if your spine is subluxated or not. If you’ve eaten a Cheerio in the last six months, they won’t find any subluxations! In fact, they won’t find any if you’ve even THOUGHT about Cheerios in the last six months!”
And there you have it, folks, direct from the local mom who discovered it. Cheerios can prevent subluxations! I know I’m going to give it try. I’ll eat a Cheerio a week, get checked out by a radiological medical team, and report back in six months.
Be prepared to be amazed, by this latest local mom discovery!
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[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Blue Wode and Alice Sheppard, Alan Henness. Alan Henness said: RT @Blue_Wode: Local mum’s discovery prevents subluxations http://bit.ly/cNOYbk Cheerio chiropractors? #chirot #singhbca [...]
Your “local Mom” may be on to something. I once saw a TV advert for Cheerios with the sound turned off, and I’ve never had a subluxation. Cheerio Chiroprators!